Tch!

One moment of indiscretion and stupidity can cost so much! I have discovered it!
It can screw a carefully constructed image of self and shock friends!
But am I my image or the image shattering reality?
Are my friends those who accept me or my image!
Can somebody help put an end to this agony?????????????????????????

Gandhi My Father-----Mahatma Unravelled

There are very few films that move me since I think I have "grown" now to appreciate the fact that often times film makers in general and Indian masala ones tend to be deliberate and conceited in their attempts to move audiences! Rarely do you see such gems as "Gandhi-My Father", which by the very nature of the story and story telling captures the undivided attention of the audience and moves them completely!
This movie is based on a Gujrati novel by Dinkar Joshi and was originally a play(Gandhi vs Mahatma) by the guy who directed the movie, the famous playwright Feroz Abbas Khan. (side note:The role of Gandhi in the original play was done by none other than Munna Bhai fame Bomman Irani). Darshan Jariwala as Gandhi,the immensely under rated but super talented Akshaye Khanna (a.k.a. the Sanjeev Kumar of our times) as Harilal Gandhi,Shefali Shah as Kastur Ba, Bhumika Chawla as Gulab Harilal Gandhi have lived in their roles and have done justice to the script in more ways than one!
The subject is the troubled relationship between Gandhi and his son Harilal. Gandhi due to his active political life neglects basic education of his first son Harilal Gandhi and this one mistake in some sense sets the tone for most things that follow! At every step in Harilal's life he takes a path his father envisages for himself until he finds that his calling and his father's calling are not the same! Gandhi who has decided to dedicate his entire life happily to the service of his people expects his dear son to follow suit, but his son sadly wants a simple successful life as a barrister and a good family man. His lack of scholastic ability and Gandhi's own expectations thwart his attempts to succeed in this. As the movie develops one starts to understand that even though Gandhi has a fair share in his son's failure,which he and Kastur Ba acknowledge in two of the most moving scenes ever to have been shot, Harilal as a person is largely unable to come to terms with the reality of his life. He falls prey to one thing that his father despised,alcoholism,and finally meets his ailing mother drunk! His business attempts fail miserably and his bad company lands him in a ditch and tarnishes Gandhiji's image as well! The first scene opens with Harilal as a drunk tramp in a Mumbai hospital, penniless! When asked for his father's name he says Mahatma Gandhi but people obviously think he is just endearing himself to the father of the nation! This scene is beautiful and in a nut shell describes Harilal's predicament, to quote the tag line, Gandhi was the father Harilal never had!!
There are many remarkable things in the movie. The camera work by David McDonald(multiple golden lion winner at Venice) is so beautiful and spell binding yet completely non intrusive. One of the most moving images are Gandhi and his son sitting on a mountain slope silhouetted against the morning sky,awesome! The sound recording and background score are as supportive and complementary as Mani Iyer and TN Krishnan to a carnatic concert!
One must give it to the director Feroz Khan for such a complete and beautiful movie. More often than not, theatre directors do not make the switch this well. They tend to be verbose(e.g. K.Balachander in his initial days) and dont show proper understanding of the fact that Cinema as a medium is very different. I suspect from what ever little I have read of Feroz Khan that he has done very unconventional theatre which must have stood him in good stead! One example of his brilliance is the scene when Harilal enraged by his wife's cribbing about their lack of income goes out on the street shouting to every body "Mein Gandhi Ka Nalayak Beta hoon"while a Mahabharat drama troupe on the background looks on in astounded silence, acknowledging probably the fact that real life incidents may sometimes be more shocking than fantasy tales. As far as performances go Akshaye Khanna has done once in a life time job of it and I hope he gets the National Award for the best actor. Shefali Shah is an actress I love personaly and I have seen her excel even in smaller roles and finally she has got a role that justifies her stature and talent! Darshan Jariwala is a familiar face in the Parallel Circuit and he plays the role of the repentant,loving and strict father with panache! Another revelation is Bhumika who plays the role of Harilal's wife with such conviction and lack of melodrama. I have seen a movie called Missiama in Telugu where she is the hero of the movie and I was convinced she can act but here I feel sad that the Indian film industry is not using her full potential.
This is a film that in some sense begs for a global audience because of its theme and brilliant performances and direction. I only hope this film will be sent as the official Indian entry to the Oscars(I bet this will win one if sent) instead of some stupid Sanjay Leela Bhansali movie that is going to release soon. With people like Feroz Abbas Khan and Nagesh Kukunoor around Indian cinema is in safe hands! Hip Hip Hurray to the cast and crew of Gandhi, My Father!

kanne, nee pirandha naeram
yen Marupiravi
naan kanmoodum varai
kannukul nee iruppai endraen
kan imaikkum naerathil
kaalan unnai parithu vittan
kan irukku
kannil eeram irukku
en kannan enge?

Sensitisation by Personal Exposure---Way to go?

How many times have you shouted at a Customer service rep/tele marketing guy calling you? I think twice before doing that. My sister heads a Voice based unit of a BPO in Madras, some where down there, deep in my heart, I know I may be shouting at somebody I know :)

Kallil illai Kadavul :)

Natta Kallai Theivam endru,
Naalu pushpam satriyae

Sutri Nindru mona mona endru, sollum mantram ethada

Natta Kallum Paesumo,
Nathan ulliruckayil!!
----------------Sithar Vaaku

Sachin, Dinesh Karthik and magic breakthroughs!!

I have seen this familiar script rolled out many a time in my cricket watching and every single time I have felt the urge to do what Karthik does in this picture, go hug THE MAN!
Its redundant to talk about Sachin and his batting if you are an Indian or for that matter any sort of cricket follower but another interesting and well documented side of this man's genius is his magic arm that has got many a wicket at crucial moments! He has this uncanny knack of picking up wickets that few part time bowlers have and the chief reason for this comes from the fact that Tendulkar is the best student the game has ever produced! You can have issues with his technique, his match winning ability, his (now often abused) aging aggression but one thing that no one can deny is that he has an understanding of the game that is innate. I say innate because one can also be a Rahul Dravid or Steve Waugh, people who work hard to hone their understanding of the game and then you have Sachin, he understands the game in a very instinctive and unparalleled fashion. I guess his understanding cant be taught to others or used as a tool to lead which partly explains why he was a bad captain. His genius is purely for us to savour!!!

All Hail Tendlya!!

Humor in Cooking!!

I made some lentils(moong dal ka sabji) today! When I sat down for dinner I got to know that they were not cooked properly! I ate the stuff but wanted to cook the sabji (I generally take the same sabji to lunch next morn) that was left! SO I added some water and left it to boil on the stove! And as you might have guessed I forgot entirely about it! When I went back it was burnt mostly in the lowest layer! I started saving what was left! As I did that I had three distinctly burnt components::
First Order Burn Sabji:: Eatable not very different from well(or rather extremely well) cooked curry! Saved up to be taken for lunch!!
Second Order Burn Sabji:: Eatable only if you like roast curry or if you are a grad student suffering random pangs of hunger! Saved up reluctantly expecting a hunger pang soon!!
Third Order Sabji:: As black as Konkana Sen Sharma's hair. Sent to the bin!!

LOL!!!

Montreal Diaries 1!

It would be a crime not to write something on a beautiful city and a beautiful fest that you get a chance to visit! Here is my not so short diary entry for Montreal!
We started last friday! Started is the wrong word! I basically got up and waited for MA to call! I had no clue how we were going to get to Montreal! All that I knew was that Friday was National Action Day in Canada, aboriginal people mark that day to bring their plight to the doors of the common Canadian! They were blocking highways( India vaasam adikkudhe!!!) and I was like that is cool, finally I can see some confrontation in this damned country after 10 months you miss India even for its confrontations!! Sadly we could not take a carpool lift as planned and we were on a safe Canada Coach bus but I got my share of excitement when I had to buy lunch for me, Eugenie(MAs gf) and the Falafel guy in TO was so slow that I had jaywalk/run back to the bus! Anyways in 6 hours I was in Montreal!
The first night in Montreal I did two new things! Had a crazy dosa type western food called Crepe! Basic a wheat dosa + some masala (mild western masala that is) = Crepe, followed it up with expresso in creamy milk, yum! And the second new thing was paying a tip! (Aah why do french waitresses look so hot!!) Dinner with Zhenia (my baby sitter for the first night at Montreal) was followed by Jazz fest. The first concert of the day was some arbit guy singing conventional Jazz/blues! Stuff I dint like but yet I clicked a photo for the heck of it!
The next concert I attended was that of an Afro American lady singing typical jazz and she also said her father worked with the great Louis Armstrong! Her voice range was amazing but at times I thought the effort she put in mite kill her or something! Here is the concert pic::
With that done the first day had almost come to an end! We met Eugenie's sister Liah and her friends Swapna,Youshan and Julian all from Hannover. We walked to a pub to have one beer for the night and had a nice relaxing time after the long day! Here I got a a couple of logic questions from the group, one that I answered that day and the other that stayed with me for a couple of days!! The one that tortured me was this:
You have a prison with N prisoners. Allowed to meet once. The condition on their release is that they will have no contact after the first meeting and each night one among them (nobody knows who) will be taken to a room with a bulb and switch(nobody can see the room). The Jailer can call anybody,even repeat people night after night! For them to be releases one of them must announce to the jailer after realising that all the prisoners have been to the room atleast once and if he is right they are released else they go to the gallows! The question what is a fool proof strategy to achieve this! A pretty simple problem but I did not solve it immediately, shoot!
End of Day1, Day 2 to follow!

Journey

Passenger(P):Lets start please!
Cant you see me kicking around to get in to the bus!!
Open the door let me in and start my journey please.

IVR(interactive voice response system)(I):Please understand a few things right now!

P: Dont you know we cant listen when we are about to start! what kind of a "I" are you?

I: you cant define an I, not now atleast! See I know you will for get what I say now but you will realise this again! But it is my duty to keep you informed for passengers are pretty sissy and get on my nerves by their constant cribbing!! One you cant return!!(P: (in his mind) To Where))
Two you will have to get down(I(in his mind) Rather I will make you get down) at the chosen point!

P: CAn I please start!!

I: This vehicle indicates just the routes! You can take any vehicle from now on! they must all end though. If you get down make sure you catch another bus soon! you know if u stay in place for long I may assume that is your chosen destination and stop ur journey right there!!

P:OKKKKKKK! Start!

I: All of them are like this!!

(.............AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArgh...............................................)

The Beginning!!


(to be contd...from another bus station :) )

Me Myself and Him

Stare at the mirror
I see myself shaking hands with him
the him I despise
for exisiting alongside
gloomy,shabby without spirit
lacking zeal and tired
he robs my happiness
I kill him
Iam dead too!!

Competition

Iam convinced that I have none to compete against..
I say so because I can always find out more about the competitor and thus find no reason to compete..
But I must compete against myself since I know very less about myself..SO I must compete only against myself..If I finally know who really "I"am then thats the day competition and the desire to achieve ends..Finally a rational reason to this point..GR8


:)

Lara THE MAN

Cricket has been my passion for about 10 years now..And Lara is one person who has remained an enigma even in cricketing senses for me...Before one can admonish me for not watching enough of a cricketing lord like Lara I just want to tell them that it has never worked for me with Lara..I have always wanted to watch a full innings of his live but that has not happened for various reasons like
1).He has lost his wicket early when I watch him
2).Power cuts
3)stupid rain interruptions..
But inspite of this fact I have managed to follow his career via highlights and papers..I have always been awestruck by his genius..He is one person who makes cricket seem as easy as washing dishes in a dishwasher..The sheer variety of strokes he's got when matched with that unending desire to dominate.. some old watchers say its the Carribbean blood that he shares with the original master blaster Viv "GOD" Richards has a role too.But another feature people sometimes forget when they watch Lara in full flow is the amount of hard work that has gone into his batting..Genius can dwarf most attributes that exists around including one's perseverance...The way he fought within himself to emerge from that historic slump of form at the turn of the millenium showed that his strength of character is amazing..I know other cricketers who had slumps but none have had it as bad as Lara and none have come back with such force(400 in an innings is the stats testimonial)..
Iam writing this as Lara is pounding the wits out of the Pakis at Multan with yet another gem and ..
Iam not watching that live either..
PV

A Reason To Live

When He Knew He Was to Die


He Found Deep Desire and Reason to Live!!

Relocation Part I

It has been a month since I arrived in Hamilton,ON Canada. A truly exhilarating experience for me. Everything about this phase of my life is worth remembering.I guess if I put stuff down it will help. Right from the start when I took out own desi Airbus from Chennai to Mumbai to eating out at Himalya Indian Restaurant at Stoney Creek,it has been one hell of a roller coaster.
First things first. The "packing tension" one feels before emabarking on a faarin trip is immense. You really cant priortize for periods of the order of years i.e If ure going to be out of home for more than a year or so you will find that everything you can think of will be useful at some point and it is hard to drop some things from your luggage.However airlines have an obvious limit which means you drop 100s of pages of Journal Papers and A4 sheets which you wanted to carry hours before your flight.It is even more irritating to be reprimanded by the bugging Indian Airlines official regarding the weight limit and that you may get fined. Finally the guy relents to incessant pleading about grad students being poor and cost of living in faarin being high and all.He adds a warning that the other official mite not be as generous as him. That turned out to be true but in a quite opposite sense. No other official through my journey raised a finger about luggage rules. The supposedly serious security check also turned out to be simple with people getting to take cabbin baggage quite contrary to rules of the time. But everything was not fine. Had a major scare at Frankfurt where the officials of my connecting flight to Toronto told me that my ticket on Air Canada was not confirmed and that I had to wait till 10 mins before departure to find out if I had a seat or not... That shocked me out of my wits and I started cursing my Travel Agent.But luck and The BIG G's grace was around and I got a seat afterwards.
Thats all reagrding the air trip.Was over joyed to find Prof.Bhaduri waiting for us(was travelling with Arindam/Arindan) at Toronto airport.What a fabulous human being he is.. More on My first month at Hamilton in the next post..

i can see my jaw bone !!

This is just going to hurt a little bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with
my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest.

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line
or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life
most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and
drills and steam rollers and there isn't a nerve in your head that
you aren't being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.
And the circumstance that adds most to your terror
Is that it's all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only
they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,
But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one
hand and mirror in the other he won't get mixed up, the way you
do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget
that left is right and vice versa?

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn't because he then
coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a
horse's hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it's all over now and after
all it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.
And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest, That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good
condition when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition
is so that he won't have to go to the dentist.

Ogden Nash

Aah this was just amazing. Had been to the dentist yesterday. Had my right wisdom tooth extricated. It had a horrible cavity and had to be removed. The whole procedure was simple except for a brief period in the start when the doc had to stick a needle up my jaw into the nerve for the anasthesia(btw anasthesia is a very beautiful sounding word isnt it espescially when it is injected). Here the doc had a trouble with finding the correct spot to inject so he tried it at couple of places before getting the right spot. At that time he told me something about the girth of my jaw bone etc. The worst part was all through the process he was talking and trying to make me comfortable but I guess one cant respond to questions like "is it paining?" with a crowbar or a needle up your jaw. So I just kept making arbit noises which got interpreted :)

Finally the tooth was removed and relief all over. But today morning I found a off-white patch on the area where the wisdom tooth existed. Initially was flabber gasted coz I assumed the doctor had'nt removed tooth properly but later remembered seeing my tooth's root after removal. Finally understood that was my jaw-bone. This is stupendous. I Have heard stories of ppl seeing their bone after a gr8 accident and all but I can see it without undergoing much pain. Ofcourse dentistry has come a long way since Ogden Nash's time. Its no more a gruesome affair as Nash describes. Though most people are still afraid of the dentist !!

Its Over

The flight of fantasy
when one deceives oneself
One doesnt see reality
Reality shows up
when he isnt quite ready
So I get up
Dust my ass
Shrug shoulders
Shake Hands
And Trip on
To find another
Another flight Of fantasy
For
Everyone loves to be loved
:)

Sky

As I sat on the Terrace Last Evening I saw something

The Sky Opened Her Wardrobe For Me
She Let Me through to See What She had
The Wardrobe Had Only One Dress
The One Which Was Blue
Dissapointed I closed My Eyes
But When I Opened My Eyes
The Colour Changed
It WAS Orange,Red And So Many Other Colours
Colours Which You Can See and Feel
But Are Too Beautiful To Be Written About

my first story

The cold winter breeze struck his face with fury through the windows of the s6 compartment.the day marked 12 years since he lived through the death of four people who meant more to him than anybody else.he had moved on or so he thought.in denial,in sorrows,in tears,in retribution,in self depreciation he felt them.he had moved on or so he thought.in semi sleep he went back .

* * * * * *

December 6 1992 and the days that followed changed the lives of millions of people forever.krishnakant upadhyay was one of them.doing his final year of undergraduation and looking forward to a bright future he never anticipated what was to happen.

At around 8 pm on december 8 krishna and his roomamte salil chowdary were getting ready to go to the mess and have their dinner.both had earlier in the day taken part in a protest meeting and prayer for communal harmony in their college and had been unequivocal in their condemnation of the 'demolition' and the riots that followed.as they were going to the mess the pune informed krishna about the fateful phonecall from his hometown.an inspector talked to him and verified his parents' identity and then delivered the news.his parents had been attacked and killed in the riots.the police were organising the funeral since private funerals were close to impossible in such an situation.

As soon as the line was cut Krishna went numb.his had been a normal life filled with simple largely predictable and happy events .his mind was just refusing to react.When the mess workers served him his favourite food for dinner,he heard it

“Beta kitne patla ho gaye ho.Toda aur lelo naa” followed by a more masculine

“Lelo naa.jab teri maa kuch kehti hai to maan na padtha hai”

And he broke down.He wept without any inhibition in the open mess hall like a child whose chord with the mother had just been cut off.Sorrow is infectious it spreads faster than light.And that day Salil joined Krishna in his grief.

As they came back to their room Krishna, still deep in his sorrow ,took stock of the situation. He had to go to his town.but the riots had paralysed the entire country.the buses were not running and the next train was only in the morning.If he could just cross this one night he could reach his place and see his beloved ma and pa 's mortal remains,just once but

will the police wait till he reaches his town. he remebered that the police had mentioned the word funeral in his conversation.this bought to his mind the shocking images of his ma and pa's corpses lined in a large heap with others and being pulled up by the municipality workers for the mass funeral .this added even more pain to his volatile mind.

His hostel was in a predominantly hindu locality which meant the muslim occupants had left.but Salil wouldnt budge even when others called him.He thought that it was his duty to be with his only friend Krishna at this hour. Krishna did not know what to say.He only wished Salim got away to be safe ,away from the mobs .......... and Krishna.

***********************************

There was commotion outside the room around midnight.Salil immediately hid all his belongings and removed his locket and kept it inside his pocket.hoping against hope that he may not be identified.little did he know that his nemesis was not far away.

The commotion was followed first by knock and then a violent bang on their door.four men with saffron bands on their head forced their way into the room.As soon as they saw Krishna's sacred thread hanging loose below his shirt their robust manner softened into one of respectful indulgence.The leader of the mob asked Krishna “panditji kya woh hamare saat hai?”

* * * * *

Was it Salil?Was he alive?He seemed to be talking , folding his hands and begging to every passenger on the train.He smiled at Krishna and started walking towards him.Krishna ran towards the toilet.He shut himself and cried in true repentance.Could he have saved Salil?

* * * * *

“Panditji kya who hamare saat hai?”

At that moment Krishna felt the death of two men almost at the same time.Victims of violence perpetrated by extraneous factors and from within.The greatest success of the fundamentalists is not in the malicious killing of innocents who are always the prime victims of aggression but they kill rational minds,they polarize the educated ,uncivilize the civilized.On that cold december night Krisnakant Upadhyay allowed his mind to die and killed his friend just by a nod of his head.And Salil smiled at him.This smile was to torment Krishna more than his parents' death.This smile ,after which everything blacked out on that day (and for many more days to come),said “if u can avenge for your loss in this way SO BE IT”

* * * * *

He washed his face and came out of the toilet.An old,blind muslim beggar was crossing him.Krishna stopped him and gave him a hundred rupee note which brought a smile on the old beggar's face.the same smile.Salil was back ........

Gandhi Who?

.... Arjun tilted his glass gently pressing it on his smoke tarned lips to let the last drop of the rum to reach his tongue, flow thru his throat and finally reach his battle hardened liver.alcohol had long stopped numbing him.Infact it inverse numbed him.He remembered things he longed to forget or had already forgotten like his first date,his first dissapointment,his first encounter with sex.so many firsts that made him hate the coveted single number.But he could not control thoughts that too with 8 patiala pegs of Old Monk already inside.

*****...................................................................****
Did Sundar Appa drink or not?little arjun's mind was repeatedly hit by this question.vignesh had sworn on his choicest of gods to the fact that he had seen his pop , arjun's and others drink whisky at their house.arjun had confronted his father on the issue but appa denied it and said that he had taken Thums Up and not whisky.arjun was convinced that vignesh was a little pest trying to ruin his 'hero' fathers image.He took on vignesh backed by appa's confession but vignesh did not move an inch on his stand.This created greater doubts in little boy's mind and finally he decided to seek the fountainhead of all known truths(atleast with respect to him) 'amma'.
amma never lied.vignesh knew that for a fact.when he asked her she initially avoided the issue.finally the truth had to be out.amma being amma tried to comfort arjun by telling him that hsi pop was'nt a drunkard like the ones he saw in the old tamizh movies but was a 'social' drinker.she said that he drank to give company to big guests and that too once in a while.but she also told him like all the bill boards on the road that drinking was a really bad habit and not to indulge in such things at any point in his life.but his questions were not over.day after day he frequently pestered his mom regarding the virtues she had taught him and how father appa was not falling in line.she was at one point convinced that the little lad would start to hate his father.so she had to tell him that drinking once in a while wasnt that bad after all.that was it.that made him so happy.she had restored his hero.strange are the minds of young ones,it takes a word to manipulate them.but this was just a starter of other things that would change his life for ever.for starter he argued with his history teacher on the merits of gandhiji's strong opposition to alcohol.this shocked the teacher since she did not expect a fourth grade kid to challenge her views leave alone gandhi's.most kids were taught to worship gandhi.worship they did.the teacher sent for his mother and she updated her on arjun's strange behaviour.it was decided at home that appa would talk to arjun.appa told him eferything and also convinced arjun that drinking was a bad habit and he had quit long ago.convinced ....... hahaha
..............................................................................
"Bearer unnoru peg old monk fashhht" arjun stuttered at the bar table.he smiled.A smile filled with guilt..........

......................................................................................

Little Sundar stood at the gate waiting for his father.this had become a ritual everyday.He would stand by the door.Amma would be asleep or crying.she never spoke much.But he knew why.Appa in the night was hard to handle.Amma said he went outside at the night and nobody was safe in the night outside.Appa must be very tired,the night was at fault not his beloved Appa.........

aruna runam

tiruvannamalai(tvm in short) is a small town about 175 km form chennai.its a temple town with a temple dedicated to shiva in the agni form(u can literally feel the heat as it is unusually hot inside the garba griha)
the temple dates back to vijayanagara period and is quite huge.
but the other main belief in tvm is that the hillock (at whose foothill the temple stands) is lord siva himself.so the 17 km path around the hill is like a pradakshina path.people call this practice of circambulating the hill as girivalam.
that brings me into the blog.yesterday i went to tvm with girivalam in mind.we started about 2 pm form chennai and reached tvm by 5 pm.we had darshan of the main deity and proceeded towards ramanashramam.

ramana (originally venkatramani) was one of the most respected(and is) self enlightened sages of south india.he came to tvm at the age of 13 leaving behing his family in madurai.