The cold winter breeze struck his face with fury through the windows of the s6 compartment.the day marked 12 years since he lived through the death of four people who meant more to him than anybody else.he had moved on or so he thought.in denial,in sorrows,in tears,in retribution,in self depreciation he felt them.he had moved on or so he thought.in semi sleep he went back .
* * * * * *
December 6 1992 and the days that followed changed the lives of millions of people forever.krishnakant upadhyay was one of them.doing his final year of undergraduation and looking forward to a bright future he never anticipated what was to happen.
At around 8 pm on december 8 krishna and his roomamte salil chowdary were getting ready to go to the mess and have their dinner.both had earlier in the day taken part in a protest meeting and prayer for communal harmony in their college and had been unequivocal in their condemnation of the 'demolition' and the riots that followed.as they were going to the mess the pune informed krishna about the fateful phonecall from his hometown.an inspector talked to him and verified his parents' identity and then delivered the news.his parents had been attacked and killed in the riots.the police were organising the funeral since private funerals were close to impossible in such an situation.
As soon as the line was cut Krishna went numb.his had been a normal life filled with simple largely predictable and happy events .his mind was just refusing to react.When the mess workers served him his favourite food for dinner,he heard it
“Beta kitne patla ho gaye ho.Toda aur lelo naa” followed by a more masculine
“Lelo naa.jab teri maa kuch kehti hai to maan na padtha hai”
And he broke down.He wept without any inhibition in the open mess hall like a child whose chord with the mother had just been cut off.Sorrow is infectious it spreads faster than light.And that day Salil joined Krishna in his grief.
As they came back to their room Krishna, still deep in his sorrow ,took stock of the situation. He had to go to his town.but the riots had paralysed the entire country.the buses were not running and the next train was only in the morning.If he could just cross this one night he could reach his place and see his beloved ma and pa 's mortal remains,just once but
will the police wait till he reaches his town. he remebered that the police had mentioned the word funeral in his conversation.this bought to his mind the shocking images of his ma and pa's corpses lined in a large heap with others and being pulled up by the municipality workers for the mass funeral .this added even more pain to his volatile mind.
His hostel was in a predominantly hindu locality which meant the muslim occupants had left.but Salil wouldnt budge even when others called him.He thought that it was his duty to be with his only friend Krishna at this hour. Krishna did not know what to say.He only wished Salim got away to be safe ,away from the mobs .......... and Krishna.
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There was commotion outside the room around midnight.Salil immediately hid all his belongings and removed his locket and kept it inside his pocket.hoping against hope that he may not be identified.little did he know that his nemesis was not far away.
The commotion was followed first by knock and then a violent bang on their door.four men with saffron bands on their head forced their way into the room.As soon as they saw Krishna's sacred thread hanging loose below his shirt their robust manner softened into one of respectful indulgence.The leader of the mob asked Krishna “panditji kya woh hamare saat hai?”
* * * * *
Was it Salil?Was he alive?He seemed to be talking , folding his hands and begging to every passenger on the train.He smiled at Krishna and started walking towards him.Krishna ran towards the toilet.He shut himself and cried in true repentance.Could he have saved Salil?
* * * * *
“Panditji kya who hamare saat hai?”
At that moment Krishna felt the death of two men almost at the same time.Victims of violence perpetrated by extraneous factors and from within.The greatest success of the fundamentalists is not in the malicious killing of innocents who are always the prime victims of aggression but they kill rational minds,they polarize the educated ,uncivilize the civilized.On that cold december night Krisnakant Upadhyay allowed his mind to die and killed his friend just by a nod of his head.And Salil smiled at him.This smile was to torment Krishna more than his parents' death.This smile ,after which everything blacked out on that day (and for many more days to come),said “if u can avenge for your loss in this way SO BE IT”
* * * * *
He washed his face and came out of the toilet.An old,blind muslim beggar was crossing him.Krishna stopped him and gave him a hundred rupee note which brought a smile on the old beggar's face.the same smile.Salil was back ........
